Humans Are Space Orcs

We always talk about going out into space and discovering aliens who are vastly more advanced than us, stronger, smarter, faster, but what if they're not?
What if we go out to the black and discover aliens who have a bit more technology than us, who perhaps have alliances and have spent generations in space, but who view us as stranger than we can possibly imagine?
Humans are Space Orcs, if you haven't come across it before, is a sub-genre of science fiction, closely related to Humans are Weird and Earth is Space Austrailia. These are an alternative view on the general take of humans in space and our interactions with aliens.
Humans are warriors, they have very strange customs and beliefs, they eat and drink everything and anything. The home they adore is considered a Death World by most races, with its strange seasons and deadly flora and fauna, it terrifies aliens with their Eden like perfect, stable, worlds.
To make matters all the more confusing for the aliens is our looks. We look like prey, weak and soft, but we behave like predators, like pack hunters. What are we?

Here is a little story for you. A short piece I wrote after discovering this wonderful subgenre. I hope you enjoy it.

Jo was asleep when it happened. She did not know how the pirates got aboard, but she was manhandled with the rest of the crew into the cargo hold and ordered to stay still until their Captain arrived.

“What the hell is going on?” she hissed. She had been told that there were Pirates in that part of space and to expect them to be spotted at some point, but the ship was supposed to have the defences needed to fend off boarding.

“They disabled our defences. We do not yet know how.” Aka responded with his customary clicking. “Now we must face the test to keep our lives.”

Jo was no expert, but Aka sounded afraid. This did nothing for her own confidence, Aka was seven feet tall and covered in a natural armour carapace, he did not frighten easily. “What test?”

“We must choose our bravest crew member and they will need to risk their life for us.” Lou-nita intoned in her rich deep bass. “Only Dxta has done it before. He barely survived. I do not know if he will make it a second time, but no other of our species has ever managed it.”

“Managed what? Or don’t I want to know?”

“The tradition of Shunta Pirates that all travelers are given a chance. They will take our cargo no matter what, but unless someone takes the test they will take the ship too. We will be left drifting in a lifeboat.”

“The test being?” Jo was sure she would regret asking, the heavily armed Pirates looked as deadly as they got, but her curiosity was too much once again.

“To drink a dron of Rocket Fuel.”

“Rocket fuel? Real rocket fuel?” Jo asked, wondering if the translator was having another one of it’s off days.

“Yes. The liquid fuel used for small signaling rockets.”

“But,” Jo frowned. “That’s ethanol isn’t it?”

“It is.”Lou-nita’s horror was plain, her species had mannerisms similar enough to humans for Jo to be able to interpret her emotions better than the others.

“Pure ethanol?” Just the thought of it was horrific.

“Not pure, they are not so kind.” Aka clicked. “They dilute it with water. They want it to be slow and painful, they want you to suffer. Dxta was incapacitated for weeks.”

Jo’s eyes narrowed. “How dilute?”

“As much as fifteen percent ethanol.”

“Fifteen percent and the rest is water? And a dron is a cup about so big?” Jo held her hands apart as she asked the question. If she remembered her measurements correctly that was about half a pint.

“Yes, it a lot. Many do not survive.”

Jo snorted. “If that’s what it is I’ll do it.”

“No, you cannot, that would be fatal. Dxta is much bigger than you and his internal tissues were poisoned so severely it took almost a full cycle to properly recover. He is honoured now for his sacrifice.”

“I’m from a death world, remember? Trust me. Fifteen percent ethanol, I can do.”

“Do not do it. Let another.” Lou-nita snapped.

Jo turned to glare. “Talk to me like that again and I’ll give you a slap in the gills. I know what I’m doing.”

Lou-nita took her time to give a long, slow, blink. She was shocked and horrified, the tiny human’s rage was so unexpected. Was there some custom to a test of courage that had been over looked? Were humans really so foolhardy as to do a deadly thing such as this to prove their worth?

The Pirate Captain strode into the cargo bay with all the self-assurance of a creature who knew it was unbeatable. In its clawed hand was a metal bottle. The bottle was placed on a crate.

“You may all live today if you do not resist us. You will be placed in a lifeboat with enough rations for a tenth of a cycle and you will await what rescue comes. Or, if there is one brave enough, we will let you keep your ship and we will go with just your cargo. All you need to do is drink.”

The bottle was opened by a subordinate who was careful to splash none of the liquid on itself as it poured the clear stuff into the waiting cup.

“Is there a brave one who will do this? Or are we taking you to the lifeboat?” the Captain sneered. More than half of the time no one would step forward. “Drink and survive, you keep your ship. Drink and die, you lose everything.”

Captain Fathezz resisted the urge to hiss. He wished he could step forward, but even the lowest percentage of rocket fuel was deadly. He would not live long enough to save his crew from this. Even being placed in a lifeboat, with supplies for so long, was not assuring their survival. Many perished alone in space with no one hearing their distress beacon in time to rescue them.

Dxta steeled himself. He wanted to do it again, to protect his shipmates as he had before, but he had been warned that if he did it again he may not survive. He lifted a leg to step forward, aware it may be his last walk. Then he felt a hand on his lower arm.

“I’ll do it.”

Dxta looked down. It was the human. The tiny human was walking to the crate. “Does it know what is in the cup?” he asked, his question a terrified whistle. The human was so helpless, it had no armour, only two eyes, only two arms and it was so small. It was the cute, hairless, baby of the crew, a creature he could not help but find adorable in its determination to be useful and always find ways to ingratiate itself with everyone. It thought Dxta enjoyed all cuddles, it did not realise he tolerated only cuddles from the little human because it felt so much like holding his now grown younglings, that it warmed his hearts to feel such protectiveness once more.

“You?” the Captain clacked it’s mandibles in amusement. “What are you? A mutated cub?”

“What I am is the member of this crew who’s going to drink. Is that a problem?” Jo asked, praying the aliens could not detect her fear.

“When you die, know your crewmates will die with you.”

“When I live, know you were wrong.”

The Captain’s mandibles clacked together again. It indicated to the cup. “Go ahead, little cub thing.”

Jo took the cup in one on hand and raised it high enough to sniff. The bite of alcohol was there, without any further taint or bitterness. It was not going to taste nice.

“You must drink to earn the ship.” the Captain taunted.

Jo took a deep breath, lifted to cup to her mouth and took three long gulps. It was surprisingly tasteless. There were no impurities, nothing to give it character, only the burn in the throat once it was swallowed. She dropped the cup back on the table. “Now take the cargo and go away.”

The Captain actually stepped back. No one had ever drunk without reacting to it, but this little thing looked as though he had offered it no more than a glass of water. “What is this trick?”

“Trick?” Jo asked. “You made the drink.” Then it occurred to her that if she did not react in some way it might be more dangerous than being fine. “And,” she swayed on the spot. “Now it’s gone to my head.” she blinked rapidly. “That’s stronger than I thought. I’m gonna neeeed to sleep thiss off.”

That was more like it. The poison was slowly taking over. The Captain was mollified, this creature merely took longer to react.

A thought occurred to Jo. “Double or quits?”

“What?” the Captain demanded.

“It’s a thing,” Jo waved a hand vaguely. “A thing my people do with bets. If we’re, we’re, we’re being honest with each other. You want our stuff, we wanna keep it. Double or quits, means double the, the,” Jo frowned and focused for a few seconds on the empty cup. “Jeopardy. If I drink double, so I have another cup, you,” she pointed at the Captain, still swaying. “You let us keep our cargo too.”

“Why would I agree to such a thing?”

“Because,” Jo spread her arms wide. “If I don’t sur-v-vive it, we all go in the lifeboat and you get the ship too. Tha’s double or quits.”

The Captain was confused. No one had ever dared up the ante before. Many had tried to bargain, some had succeeded with good deals, but none had ever offered to drink more to change the outcome. The little creature was unsteady, it’s voice was slurring. There was a very good chance it would fall over after a second drink and be unable to get back up.

Its upper eyes glanced over to its life mate, the first officer and companion who was a good judge of character and able to read other species far better than most.

There was a slight side to side motion of the mandibles from the first officer, a sign of indecision. Even they did not know if it was a bluff or not.

The captive crew were easier to read, they were terrified. They did not know what to do and they certainly did not think the strange little creature was able to do what it said.

The Captain came to a decision. “I will play your double of quits game, but it will be double what you have done already. Two more cups. Two more cups to drink to keep your ship and cargo.”

Dxta actually took a step forward, his urge to protect was so strong. He could not let his little human do that, it would surely kill her. He had to be held back by Fathezz and Lou-nita, they had to stop him going any further or they would all be shot by the Pirates. Like him, they could not understand why the human was so determined to self-destruct and leave them all at risk of death, but imminent death by blaster gun was far more in their heads than a possible death much later.

“Shhurre.” Jo agreed. “Gimme.”

The Captain poured the second drink and was impressed by the speed at which the little alien drunk it. Was there perhaps some trick it had to delay the effects of the poison? Was it trying for a rapid finish to get them away before it fell down? The third drink was poured slowly, carefully, almost drop by drop.

Jo waited, not knowing why the pirate was going to so slowly but wondering if it expected her to drop dead. Maybe it did not want to lose face in front of the others, certainly, it was a big risk to accept her challenge and then honour it when she defeated them. In hindsight, maybe it would have been better to leave things as they were and accept the loss of the cargo, but hindsight had not just imbibed alcohol for the first time in many months or desperately wanted to impress the crew who still saw her as something helpless they needed to protect at all costs.

The cup was filled almost to the brim, far higher than before. Jo would have made more fuss about it, but she just wanted to get it done and get rid of the pirates. She picked it up and drained the contents just as swiftly as she had the first two. So much liquid in a short space of time sat heavy in her stomach, it was uncomfortable but nothing compared to the discomfort of the blasters aimed in her direction.

“Done.” she enunciated proudly, slamming the cup back done.

The Captain stared. “What are you?”

“According to my crewmates,” Jo smiled broadly, letting her teeth show in a way she had learned not to around other species. “I’m a Dathta cub.”

It was Fathezz who had first admitted it to her, showing her only much later an image of the creature. It did not look like much to Jo, but he assured her that most species of the galaxy found Dathta’s irresistibly cute, their soft hairless hides and the single pair of barely opened eyes looking like babies and younglings. They activated the protective instincts of every species who care reared their young.

“You have just drunk three cups of rocket fuel and you are still standing. How do you balance on only two legs so well at any time?”

“I dunno,” Jo shrugged. “I jus’ do.”

There was a low growl from the pirate Captain, forceful enough to vibrate it’s chest plates.

The rest of the pirates heard the annoyance and raised their weapons. They would follow the Captain’s orders if it demanded a slaying of the captives, but the little creature had clearly won the challenge. A Captain who did not keep to the rules of their own challenge could not remain Captain for long, they could not be trusted.

There was an odd noise from the first officer, a pop unlike anything Jo had heard before.

The pirate Captain heard it. It was a warning, a reminder to keep to the rules. Losing this time was an embarrassment, but breaking an agreement, however distasteful the consequences, was potentially more deadly.

The Captain waved its uppermost arm and the pirates swarmed into their shuttle. “Have care you do not meet us again.” It snapped before the airlock sealed.

Jo sat heavily on the crate. If Aka was right about the strength of the stuff, she had just downed the equivalent of half a bottle of strong wine in a few minutes. It was no wonder she felt so pleasantly numb.

Then she was being enveloped in Dxta’s thick fur, all four of his arms were around her as he cuddled her and crooned his comforting low song.

“I’m fine, really, I’m okay, I don’t need-” Jo cut off Fathezz grabbed her arm and a scanner brace was strapped to it. She sighed. “I don’t need all this fuss. I was playing it up for the pirates, I’m okay. I’m a bit pissed, but I’m fine.”

“You must stay strong. Little cub, you fight, we will take care of you.” Dxta continued to croon as he picked her up and rushed her to the tiny room that served as their inadequate medical section.

There was little point in objecting. Jo allowed herself to be carried in the midst of a strange collection of fussing creatures.

“I do not understand.” the puzzled words were issued from Lilta’s beak only minutes later. “The computer says she is suffering only mild intoxication and will be well for duty by the next rotation. It must be a malfunction. I will repair it and check again.”

Fathezz shook his back spines, a sign of his irritation. “It is the worst time for such a malfunction. We do not know anywhere near enough of humans, there is no way for us to judge and now the computer even does not know.” he lowered his voice. “If anything bad should happen to her Dxta will never forgive me.”

“Will someone just give me a damn glass of water,” Jo grumbled from her enforced place on the bed. “And trust me, I’ll be absolutely fine after a night’s sleep. There’s no malfunction, it’s just alcohol, it’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Fathezz asked, stepped to the side of the bed while Lilta fetched water. “Ethanol is deadly poison.”

Jo could not help but laugh. “On Earth, we drink it for fun.”

“You are hallucinating. I am sorry,” Lilta was solemn as he gently assisted the human to take her drink.

“No, seriously, we’ve been fermenting the stuff for thousands of years. We like getting drunk, it helps us chill out. That dumb pirate had no idea what he was doing. Human biochemistry, a bit of ethanol is not a problem, we can handle it.”

“Jo, you must rest.”

Jo let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, you’re not going to believe me. Fine. Here’s the deal. I’ve drunk ethanol, but humans can metabolise ethanol. We can burn it for energy. It’s not perfect, some of it gets in our bloodstream and makes us slower and less coordinated, but it doesn’t last long. Make sure I stay hydrated and let me get some sleep. Tomorrow I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Lilta’s beak was wide open, if he were human his eyes would have been wide with shock. “You can metabolise ethanol?”

“Of course we can. Who can’t?”

“No one can.” It was Fathezz who answered. “How can humans possibly do such a thing?”

“We evolved on a death world.” Jo laughed. “We only look cute.”

“You have no armour, no claws, no spines, no venom,” Fathezz made his list slowly. “You do not have horns and your teeth are for eating, not defence. And yet, we have seen that when you bleed you treat it as no more than an annoyance and you believe a deadly poison is some kind of food. You are the strangest of creatures.”

“Yeah, I think I’m meant to take that as a compliment.”

The alcohol helped Jo fall asleep, reminding her that she had only slept for a couple of hours before being awoken to the terror of the Pirates. Once the adrenaline wore off she was still tired and having a rest after that was very much a good idea. Knowing they were underway again and the crew was watching over her made her feel safe enough to sleep.

She did not know how long she had slept for, but her head felt much clearer. She was still in the medical room, Lilta had flat out refused to allow her back to her own room. He did not believe what she told them, that alcohol was something humans routinely drunk, and he was determined to monitor her at least until her sleep cycle was completed and he was certain she was well.

Sat on the floor in the one corner with just enough space, Dxta had four of his six eyes closed and his arm entwined in the way he insisted was comfortable but looked to Jo as though at least three joints had to be dislocated to achieve. The closed eyes meant he was sleeping. His species, like some on Earth, were able to close down parts of their brain for sleep while to others remained awake. Most of the time he admitted he would sleep all at once, when he felt safe there was little point in the reduced efficiency of part sleep when he could get it over with in one go and then work with all parts of his brain together. In keeping himself partly awake this time he was able to keep watch over the little human and the scanner readings above her head. If any of those readings deviated from the standards dictated by the computer he was to call Lilta immediately, but for the last few hours Jo had slept peacefully and everything remained quiet.

Then Dxta realised the human was looking at him.

As Jo watched, all six of his eyes flicked open and he rolled forward on his legs until he was sitting by the bed, his size meaning his was level with Jo as she lay there.

“Are you well?” he asked, his words quiet and carefully spoken. He modulated his voice to be as calm and gentle as he knew how.

“Have you been watching me all night?”

“Only since Fathezz withdrew to rest.”

Jo frowned. “The Captain was watching me sleep?”

“I hope it does not bring offence. We meant only keep you safe.”

Jo sat up, crossing her legs while keeping the blanket around her. “No, it’s nice knowing you’ve all been looking after me, but honestly, I wish you’d believed me when I said I was fine.”

“We thought the rocket fuel had made you mind sick. You are really well?”

“Yes. I’m sorry I gave you a scare but I couldn’t exactly explain in front of the pirates. I had to play it up so they wouldn’t know they’d been had, but I could have drunk the whole bottle and still easily walked myself back to my room, pretty much any human could. I did try to tell you afterward. I know you think I’m reckless at times, but that time I had it well under control. I would have done it even if it was going to hurt me though because I had a better shot of dealing with it than you.”

There was a rumble from Dxta, a sound Jo had not heard before, it was so deep it seemed to vibrate her insides, like the purr of a gigantic cat. She froze, not knowing was coming next, only seeing Dxta unfold his great arms and rise to his full height.

“Jo-apurrleee.” he said, the vibration plainly evident in his tone.

Jo had never been able to get that last bit translated, the best the translator could supply was the vague notion of it being a term of endearment, but for some reason this time there was a depth of emotion nearly enough to bring her to tears.

“Little human, you are stronger than any think you, much stronger than I thought you. I thought I was having to protect you all the while you are with us, but you are the cub sent to protect us. You are the Dockanti. You have no fear because there is nothing for you to fear, and still you let me father you. You honour us.”

“I think something was lost in the translation there, Dx my friend,” Jo said slowly. “But if I can protect my crew of course I will, you guys are all I’ve got out here.”

Dxta bowed in a formal way she had never seen before and silently left the room.

Still frowning Jo looked up at the ceiling. “Computer, what does Dockanti mean?”

*Dockanti. A mythical race of space beings who protect travelers who show them kindness from both natural phenomena and aggressors such as pirates. Their appearance is described as childlike and innocent. They are deadly if attacked and possess unfathomable knowledge. Shrines to the Dockanti may be found on the worlds and outposts of most of the elder races. Resupply and trading stations often have minor shrines. Offerings of food and wealth are commonly left. It is custom for these offerings to be distributed to those who have suffered from space attacks or accidents.*

There was a lot in that description for Jo to think about.