If the title sounds a little (okay a lot) weird then it's right.
One of my many loves in life is the BTCC motorsport series. Partly because I love fast cars and partly because of the characters involved in the sport.
Well, my love of writing has caught the attention of a few of my BTCC friends and they asked me to write a review of the first round of the season. For some very random reason it became a Star Wars themed review - because life is too serious sometimes.
I shared my review to the group and they liked it so much I am now expected to do it after every race weekend, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share my first attempt on my blog for everyone to see.
Apologies if you know nothing about BTCC but maybe it will inspire you to watch it. If you know nothing about Star Wars, how? Just how? Watch the films, read the books! Personally, I much prefer the originals to the later ones but that's just me being old school (or showing my age, I'm not quite sure which).
And just before I launch into the review, I want to make it clear I was not the first person to think of using Star Wars to parody the sport.
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| Posted on BTCC Memes (Facebook group) |
A long, long time
ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, the Empire of B’Tcc was ruled over
by the mighty dictator Lord Gow of Down Under.
Under his command,
great warriors of skill fought to become his honoured champion on
tracks of much danger while the baying crowds cheered on the epic
destruction. His favourites were showered in champagne, the failures
torn apart by orange clad executioners in clouds of gravel and dust.
We join this endless
power struggle as Sir Flash of Shed’Den fights to retain Lord Gow’s
favour against the young apprentices vying for fame and fortune.
At Brands of the
Hatch, his comrade in arms Neal on the Matt (so named for he must
kneel in Lords Gow’s presence so his size does not embarrass the
great Lord) used his ramming skills to put off the competition and
drive the Turk into submission. It was a tactic copied by the aging
former champion Play-Toe (a names whose origin is thankfully lost to
history) who is rumoured to bathe in the blood of conquered warriors
to retain his youth.
Sir Jeff the Smith
shocked all with his great speed, while the most handy Roberto
Austini was lucky to survive the mauling he received from Lord Gow
when he mistook a sacred flag of slowing for a promissory to pass.
A young cook,
plucked from burger flicking obscurity to do battle for Stewart of
Brum, has caused great upset among the old guard by out ranking them
in the Lord’s favour for the final contest of the day. Can the
young apprentice, Josh of the land of Maxi, succeed where his master
failed?
The next episode,
taking place in the land of Do’Nington is sure to take it’s
victims. The much feared and beloved pet of Lord Gow, the monstrous
Goose lives at this battle ground and Lord Gow merrily tolerates the
sacrifices it demands in it’s honour.
On the day of
veneration to the God Easter, whose dominion is Chocolate, Rabbits
and Tooth Fillings, the warriors of B'Tcc will do battle once more.
